what a fine story! very descriptive. as my suggestion if i was you, i would be Careful with spelling! (ETC: you wrote woz instead of was) instead of that it was amazing!
Good start.But on the other hand you need to spell correctly and , also you should have put ” ” them when you said ” Aah ” and, when you said ” a crocodile! “
Look Valentina,
Your piece of writing is very descriptive and adventurous. I suggest that you take a look at your spelling and silent letters; (e.g. woz = wrong and was = correct). Maybe punctuation is a thing you should take a look at aswell.
What Went Well is that the story-line was very good to me hope make another. But you need to check your spellings and you could use better punctuation.
It was very exiting and descriptive it is very good.
Mai-be if you could check out your spellings and remember to start your post with a capital letters and
full stops.
You used adjectives to describe his hair and you have described the setting. Next time check your punctuation when you use dialogue and check your spelling mistakes.I like your story. 🙂
www. i like the way you use your explanation makes . ebi. make sure you use a capital letter. make sure that you spell was right and you need to put a capital letter for a start of a noun. I like the part were there was a crocodile. timmy and Timmy.
It was a nice story with good adjectives, but you need to get your spelling right and use more adjectives like describe how he looks. Here is an example it was a sunny day at the zoo and a lion broke out it was running about chasing me the lion was a female lion that is pregnent.
It was really good and descriptive.
You need to check your spellings and capital letters. You used good adjective but describe how the person looks like
I like how you used descriptive words e.g. ‘sunny, muddy, soft, curly’. I also like how you added tension to your story like
“Oh no what is that. A CROCODILE!”.
As a suggestion, try to check your work for example a new sentence has a capital letter. Also there and they’re are both pronounced the same way, however they are not the same meaning. Here’s a way to remember, when you are writing they’re, always say it as you go but say ‘they’ strongly. You could also improve the way you use punctuations (e.g “Oh no what is that.” Just a tip.
Hi,
Your writing was very good and descriptive also very imaginative, though there are some mistakes. For example you spelled was as woz. You need to remember you always start with a capital letter. Also you used there as “they’re”. You need to correct your spellings e.g. beneaf, afta. Oh yeah! You forgotten capital letter for “timmy”. Also you could have add some speech marks!
Dear valentine I like the way you discribed timmys hair . it was wonderful but you need to improve the start of the sentence.It has now capital letter at the start of your sentence . sorry about the story . 🙁
Wow that was a great story but my ebi for you is if you could check your spelling. Also you need to use your capital letters in the right places but that story had great adjectives and adverbs this is a really good story well done.
I loved the group of adjectives but check your spellings and try to describe your characters a little bit more and look out for your punctuation e.g I went to see my grandma and I knew it was going to be so much fun! so next time try to look out for metastases and now when you can see some metastases in your work you can help others so i will see you later bye.
Really nice story! But next time try to work on your spellings. Capital letters for the beginning of sentences and names. Also don’t forget punctuation. Other than that it is a really good story. Well done.
Well done Valentina! You used amazing describing words. E.g. Soft, curly hair.
What you could do to improve your piece of writing is check your writing to make sure it has proper sentences. E.g. Spelling mistakes, capital letters ect.
Overall, it’s very good 🙂
your writing is so good and you should check your spelling you wrote after like this afta it is a..f..t..e..r that’s how spell after so you should check you spelling and make it correct and i like you sentence when you started and i really like when you wrote CROCODILE!
I really like your pincushion like Aah!!! I think you should check for spelling mistakes such as waz is meant to be was. I hope this comment helps you!
Its really really good i enjoyed it when you threw the orange towards the crocodile.
But you should check your spelling mistakes for instants
Woz turns to was.
Sea turns into see
Afta turns to after
Check your punctuation
timmy turns to Timmy
Amazing tips valentina you use good adjectives but maybe you might have to check some of your spellings in the dictionary such as, woz which is was,they’re which in this case is there and please chek your capital letters.
Well done Valentina I really like your story because you used lots of adjectives about Timmy hair. Next time please remember to read your work because some of your spellings are incorrect such as woz is (was).
I enjoyed your writing and it also had some useful adjectives with it.
Even better if you checked your spellings and put capital letters in the beginning of a sentence.
You need to make corrections on e.g woz afta.
Well done Valentina!!I really liked your story. It had lots of adjectives and it was really nice. I really liked the way you described Timmy’s hair and the sea. Next time please remember to read your work. Because you need to check your spelling and you need to check your capitals. For example: was instead of woz.
I really like your description ,the way you describe Timmy.Next time you should have to check your work for some spelling mistakes because that is not the way you spell (was) you spell it like this .Then you could the best
Nice story but i know you can do a better story and who is Timmy pepper can you tell me please, you make beautiful story’s i hope you do more story’s if you make a new story make a scary one please
You have good or grate adjective in your writing and grate dialog.You have done wrong spelling in the word (was) and in Timmy it needs a capital letter.
Don’t forget to check your spelling e.g. ” was, capital T for Timmy, after”
Otherwise great story!!!!!
Good writing. But you need to spell your words correctly.
what a fine story! very descriptive. as my suggestion if i was you, i would be Careful with spelling! (ETC: you wrote woz instead of was) instead of that it was amazing!
Good start.But on the other hand you need to spell correctly and , also you should have put ” ” them when you said ” Aah ” and, when you said ” a crocodile! “
Look Valentina,
Your piece of writing is very descriptive and adventurous. I suggest that you take a look at your spelling and silent letters; (e.g. woz = wrong and was = correct). Maybe punctuation is a thing you should take a look at aswell.
Yours sincerely,
Taj 🙂
Check your spelling.
But it was a lot of description.
Very good. 🙂
What Went Well is that the story-line was very good to me hope make another. But you need to check your spellings and you could use better punctuation.
It was very exiting and descriptive it is very good.
Mai-be if you could check out your spellings and remember to start your post with a capital letters and
full stops.
It was really good and descriptive.
You need to check your spellings and capital letters
Great adjectives and using rippling as a adverb but maybe you
could improve your spelling’s like wos it has to be was.
You used adjectives to describe his hair and you have described the setting. Next time check your punctuation when you use dialogue and check your spelling mistakes.I like your story. 🙂
www. i like the way you use your explanation makes . ebi. make sure you use a capital letter. make sure that you spell was right and you need to put a capital letter for a start of a noun. I like the part were there was a crocodile. timmy and Timmy.
It was a nice story with good adjectives, but you need to get your spelling right and use more adjectives like describe how he looks. Here is an example it was a sunny day at the zoo and a lion broke out it was running about chasing me the lion was a female lion that is pregnent.
I loved the way that you are using adjectives and that is a nice story
What you need to inprouve you need to add more exited tings in your stories
It was really good and descriptive.
You need to check your spellings and capital letters. You used good adjective but describe how the person looks like
This is a great piece of work Valentina!
I like how you used descriptive words e.g. ‘sunny, muddy, soft, curly’. I also like how you added tension to your story like
“Oh no what is that. A CROCODILE!”.
As a suggestion, try to check your work for example a new sentence has a capital letter. Also there and they’re are both pronounced the same way, however they are not the same meaning. Here’s a way to remember, when you are writing they’re, always say it as you go but say ‘they’ strongly. You could also improve the way you use punctuations (e.g “Oh no what is that.” Just a tip.
Yours sincerely,
Gizem.C
Hi,
Your writing was very good and descriptive also very imaginative, though there are some mistakes. For example you spelled was as woz. You need to remember you always start with a capital letter. Also you used there as “they’re”. You need to correct your spellings e.g. beneaf, afta. Oh yeah! You forgotten capital letter for “timmy”. Also you could have add some speech marks!
Zahira:]
Valentine you did some good describing of your story but you have to put some capital letter and you have to correct your spellings.
Dear valentine I like the way you discribed timmys hair . it was wonderful but you need to improve the start of the sentence.It has now capital letter at the start of your sentence . sorry about the story . 🙁
Wow that was a great story but my ebi for you is if you could check your spelling. Also you need to use your capital letters in the right places but that story had great adjectives and adverbs this is a really good story well done.
I loved the group of adjectives but check your spellings and try to describe your characters a little bit more and look out for your punctuation e.g I went to see my grandma and I knew it was going to be so much fun! so next time try to look out for metastases and now when you can see some metastases in your work you can help others so i will see you later bye.
I enjoyed reading your work . you have uesd brilliant adjectives. It will be better if you have checked your spellings.
WWW:Great use of words it fitted in well
EBI:If you use even more adjectives
it was a nice paragraph but you need to check your spelling and put a and were it should go for e.g. Timmy and Pepper.But over-all it was great 🙂
it’s all good 😉 but next time check your spelling like woz it was 😉 🙂
Really nice story! But next time try to work on your spellings. Capital letters for the beginning of sentences and names. Also don’t forget punctuation. Other than that it is a really good story. Well done.
Kind of a short story with it was longer because it was starting to get interesting for me and funny
Amazing story.Next time check your spellings and check your capital letters!more than all it was a great story.
fabulous i loved it it was verry intresting to read it.you could of check your spelling for .E.G. woz is supposed to be was.
Well done Valentina! You used amazing describing words. E.g. Soft, curly hair.
What you could do to improve your piece of writing is check your writing to make sure it has proper sentences. E.g. Spelling mistakes, capital letters ect.
Overall, it’s very good 🙂
Amazing work its very nice writing you’ve made intresting.
Can you check your writing please.
woz its ment to be spelt like this (WAS)
I liked your story you used a good range of adjectives. Even better if you checked your spellings because instead of writing after you wrote afta.
your writing is so good and you should check your spelling you wrote after like this afta it is a..f..t..e..r that’s how spell after so you should check you spelling and make it correct and i like you sentence when you started and i really like when you wrote CROCODILE!
I really like your pincushion like Aah!!! I think you should check for spelling mistakes such as waz is meant to be was. I hope this comment helps you!
Its really really good i enjoyed it when you threw the orange towards the crocodile.
But you should check your spelling mistakes for instants
Woz turns to was.
Sea turns into see
Afta turns to after
Check your punctuation
timmy turns to Timmy
also some of your spellings has gone wrong just like:
woz=was
beneaf=beneath
just correcting you so it doesn’t happen next time have fun typing 😀
Amazing tips valentina you use good adjectives but maybe you might have to check some of your spellings in the dictionary such as, woz which is was,they’re which in this case is there and please chek your capital letters.
Well done Valentina I really like your story because you used lots of adjectives about Timmy hair. Next time please remember to read your work because some of your spellings are incorrect such as woz is (was).
I liked how you used a variety of verbs . E.g rising ,grabbed,fell and forgot.
Even better if you checked your spellings instead of rushing through it. E.g woz, afta
I enjoyed your writing and it also had some useful adjectives with it.
Even better if you checked your spellings and put capital letters in the beginning of a sentence.
You need to make corrections on e.g woz afta.
WELL DONE Valentina I loved your piece of work! It was spectacular but you could of checked your spellings.
For example…
Woz to was
afta to after
sea to see
beneaf to beneath
Well done Valentina!!I really liked your story. It had lots of adjectives and it was really nice. I really liked the way you described Timmy’s hair and the sea. Next time please remember to read your work. Because you need to check your spelling and you need to check your capitals. For example: was instead of woz.
I liked your story it has really good adjectives and verbs.Its really interesting for the reader and its fantastic!
You need to check your spelling.
Woz = Was
Beneaf = Beneath
I really like your description ,the way you describe Timmy.Next time you should have to check your work for some spelling mistakes because that is not the way you spell (was) you spell it like this .Then you could the best
Nice story but i know you can do a better story and who is Timmy pepper can you tell me please, you make beautiful story’s i hope you do more story’s if you make a new story make a scary one please
You have good or grate adjective in your writing and grate dialog.You have done wrong spelling in the word (was) and in Timmy it needs a capital letter.
I love the story um so i like the discription I LIKE the suspenc and it was nice
Very good story and good spelling of story.